had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
