I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
