true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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