I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize