he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
