I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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