the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
