At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
