I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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