She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
