Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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