my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
