So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
