im drinking this country out of the recession.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
