Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
