Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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