If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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