Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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