I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
