you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
