Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
