I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
