She is in my trunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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