Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
