based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
