yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He felt like a one man threesome
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
