never play flip cup with pint glasses
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
