she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
