I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
