you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
