About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
