Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
