Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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