I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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