You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
