I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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