I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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