i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
