i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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