think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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