I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
