she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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