Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
