its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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