your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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