home. puking in laundry basket.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
