oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
