I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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