ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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