'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
