Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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