I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
