There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
