My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
