I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
