I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
