Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
