dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize