it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
