Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
