Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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