We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
