Jerry, you need to find god
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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