I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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