Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
