My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
