Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
