All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
