im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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