why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
