He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
