yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
